oh 2010....I thought we were starting off nice!
well....2010 has brought a change in me.
Being a mom of twins is hard...just not even going to sugar coat that. 1 has a good day, 1 has a bad one....we wake up fighting or we wake up hugging. We play sweetly all day or it's a constant screaming match until we hit the covers at night. I have the eating challenges.......*sigh*..... You get the sickness that hits one and you pray the other slides by....never does and then YOU end up getting it. 1 excels in 1 area, the other lacks and you worry....but then that one excels in another completely different area.....it's a constant mind game. And I'm tired. HA!
With that....my focuses have changed completely. Turning 30 did this, 3 year old's did this, Michael getting ownership did this, goals have done this. But 2010...seemed to have been the push. I swear...as soon as that clocked clicked midnight I just gained new perspective on things.
2010 apparently is not about drama. For the life of me, I can't find one iota in my body to handle it. I can't handle the Facebook posts, I can't handle the overly dramatic details of days events....even the kids when they go dramatic on their whines or cries....oh my gosh pull it together! LOL!
2010 is apparently not about sympathy...LOL! I have sympathy AND empathy for the big stuff....I mean come on I have a heart. But just don't for "having a bad day" or "traffic"....I know I should and believe me I'm in prayer to be softer on stuff but where I'm standing in my life at the moment....I just don't.
2010 is apparently not about pleasing you....LOL! I think I've gone my whole life wanting everyone to like me. I didn't care if it was worth it or not...I wanted you to like me. I wanted to do things to go that extra mile to make sure of that. Yeah.....uh why? If you don't like me for me why the HECK do I care....LOL!! So at some point after turning 30 or ringing in the new year...I just got to the "I don't care" point....I'm me and I am finally happy in MY skin.
I know all this sounds so horrible and you're probably sitting there right now going...whoa...what the heck is going on.....
a lot actually.
Be in prayer with me. Before the holidays Michael and I had discussed some health issues and options but wanted to get through Christmas and reevaluate - it looks like it's time to address them.
For me...when I lose patience with all the above or when I run to the end of my rope with just the normal every day things....something's up. I don't want to post a vague blog....since I make fun of those people on Facebook ;) and at the risk of sounding "dramatic" which I SO don't want to sound....short story short.....
My babies are miracles....shouldn't have gotten pregnant...was told I never would. I did. I had a GREAT pregnancy (until the end) and even then I kept them in long enough that even at 4 lbs. little Brody didn't need oxygen or help of NICU....TOTAL blessing. I've had "women's" issues as long as I can remember and even having babies didn't stop that (which I was told they would).
I stay pretty much in constant pain....some form of....light or heavy. I've always dealt with endometriosis, ovarian cysts, PCOS....you name it and it's something I've walked with daily. The past year I've dealt with bleeding....month long....which of course STINKS! Pain associated. We've changed my birth control 3 times this year which I'm sure everyone who takes it understands even the small toll that takes on moods, cycles, skin....
Well I'm pretty much done with it. I have 1 week a month of a little bit of normalcy...and that just doesn't work for me. I have enough stress with the kids to add pain and all the other stuff to that.
SO I'm making an appointment this week with my OB/GYN and I'm requesting at the age of 30 for a hysterectomy. I know I don't want to have any more kids...so good there. I am having to have laporoscopy's every other year because of this stuff....so I'd rather just have it all removed. Both my maternal grandmother and great grandmother both had hysterectomy's in their 30's because of these same issues.
But it's still weighing on me...it's affecting me and I know that it's coming out in my attitude towards the things above. I just don't care about anyone else's stupid crap right now....I'm dealing internally with enough :S
SO please be in prayer for me. I really don't want to go in and request this and be denied and have to continue to just "deal" with this. "Dealing" with this is driving me crazy. My anxiety levels sometimes get unbearable just with my head working around the "why's" and "what if's" of abnormal bleeding and pain. It's been documented for a while now and he has the laps to prove I have horrible endometriosis....so hopefully no worries :(
SO....this post is mainly for prayer....I need them. I don't want to sound dramatic or horrible or hurtful or angry. I just am here right now....this is where I'm at. I'm in constant pain, I'm ALWAYS anxious and I'm pretty much staying worried.....while trying to be happy healthy joyful Mommy....it's taking it's toll :(
It's coming out in the above when really I'm just scared and need prayers.
I will keep everyone posted! Making the appointment Monday morning for whenever I can get in during the week.
well....2010 has brought a change in me.
Being a mom of twins is hard...just not even going to sugar coat that. 1 has a good day, 1 has a bad one....we wake up fighting or we wake up hugging. We play sweetly all day or it's a constant screaming match until we hit the covers at night. I have the eating challenges.......*sigh*..... You get the sickness that hits one and you pray the other slides by....never does and then YOU end up getting it. 1 excels in 1 area, the other lacks and you worry....but then that one excels in another completely different area.....it's a constant mind game. And I'm tired. HA!
With that....my focuses have changed completely. Turning 30 did this, 3 year old's did this, Michael getting ownership did this, goals have done this. But 2010...seemed to have been the push. I swear...as soon as that clocked clicked midnight I just gained new perspective on things.
2010 apparently is not about drama. For the life of me, I can't find one iota in my body to handle it. I can't handle the Facebook posts, I can't handle the overly dramatic details of days events....even the kids when they go dramatic on their whines or cries....oh my gosh pull it together! LOL!
2010 is apparently not about sympathy...LOL! I have sympathy AND empathy for the big stuff....I mean come on I have a heart. But just don't for "having a bad day" or "traffic"....I know I should and believe me I'm in prayer to be softer on stuff but where I'm standing in my life at the moment....I just don't.
2010 is apparently not about pleasing you....LOL! I think I've gone my whole life wanting everyone to like me. I didn't care if it was worth it or not...I wanted you to like me. I wanted to do things to go that extra mile to make sure of that. Yeah.....uh why? If you don't like me for me why the HECK do I care....LOL!! So at some point after turning 30 or ringing in the new year...I just got to the "I don't care" point....I'm me and I am finally happy in MY skin.
I know all this sounds so horrible and you're probably sitting there right now going...whoa...what the heck is going on.....
a lot actually.
Be in prayer with me. Before the holidays Michael and I had discussed some health issues and options but wanted to get through Christmas and reevaluate - it looks like it's time to address them.
For me...when I lose patience with all the above or when I run to the end of my rope with just the normal every day things....something's up. I don't want to post a vague blog....since I make fun of those people on Facebook ;) and at the risk of sounding "dramatic" which I SO don't want to sound....short story short.....
My babies are miracles....shouldn't have gotten pregnant...was told I never would. I did. I had a GREAT pregnancy (until the end) and even then I kept them in long enough that even at 4 lbs. little Brody didn't need oxygen or help of NICU....TOTAL blessing. I've had "women's" issues as long as I can remember and even having babies didn't stop that (which I was told they would).
I stay pretty much in constant pain....some form of....light or heavy. I've always dealt with endometriosis, ovarian cysts, PCOS....you name it and it's something I've walked with daily. The past year I've dealt with bleeding....month long....which of course STINKS! Pain associated. We've changed my birth control 3 times this year which I'm sure everyone who takes it understands even the small toll that takes on moods, cycles, skin....
Well I'm pretty much done with it. I have 1 week a month of a little bit of normalcy...and that just doesn't work for me. I have enough stress with the kids to add pain and all the other stuff to that.
SO I'm making an appointment this week with my OB/GYN and I'm requesting at the age of 30 for a hysterectomy. I know I don't want to have any more kids...so good there. I am having to have laporoscopy's every other year because of this stuff....so I'd rather just have it all removed. Both my maternal grandmother and great grandmother both had hysterectomy's in their 30's because of these same issues.
But it's still weighing on me...it's affecting me and I know that it's coming out in my attitude towards the things above. I just don't care about anyone else's stupid crap right now....I'm dealing internally with enough :S
SO please be in prayer for me. I really don't want to go in and request this and be denied and have to continue to just "deal" with this. "Dealing" with this is driving me crazy. My anxiety levels sometimes get unbearable just with my head working around the "why's" and "what if's" of abnormal bleeding and pain. It's been documented for a while now and he has the laps to prove I have horrible endometriosis....so hopefully no worries :(
SO....this post is mainly for prayer....I need them. I don't want to sound dramatic or horrible or hurtful or angry. I just am here right now....this is where I'm at. I'm in constant pain, I'm ALWAYS anxious and I'm pretty much staying worried.....while trying to be happy healthy joyful Mommy....it's taking it's toll :(
It's coming out in the above when really I'm just scared and need prayers.
I will keep everyone posted! Making the appointment Monday morning for whenever I can get in during the week.
Comments
Love, Kate
Love in Christ,
Kimberly